So many men - so little hair.

That about sums up "week one" trying to find the "love of my life" on eharmony.com, or as my teenage son calls it, meet-an-axe-murderer.com.

I have been out of the dating circuit for a long time. Well, not a long time - a life time.  For those of you who know me well, you know that I have taken the last 17 1/2 years of my life to focus on raising my son.  Now that he will be off to college soon, it's mom's turn.  What does one have to lose?  Well, apparently - a lot, including my mind.

On the first day of the service, I got all excited because there were 13 "possible" matches, waiting for me in my mail box at the end of my long workday.  All I had to do was open them up, read the profiles,  discard the ones I didn't "click" with and then start communicating with the others.  I decided not to take a lot of time to think about them and to react quickly on first impressions and then move on.  I quickly found myself tossing one match after the next into the heap of closed matches...later, only to be deleted.  When you close a match on eharmony, they want you to pick a pre-determined answer off of a checklist to let the  match know just why you've decided not to continue toward one-on-one communication.  Bald , old, short and stupid are sadly, not on the list of choices.  I found myself choosing "other" (as a reason) a lot.

When given the question, name 5 things you can't live without...Why do so many men list, food, air and water as choices? No creativity in this bunch. Hey "Country" get creative....maybe that is why you are still single! Yes, that was actually the first name of one of my matches. 

Speaking of names, how about F-R-E-D-Y in New Jersey.  I didn't know if that was to be pronounced Freddy, Freedee or what. All I could think of was "what grown man would call himself Fredy?".  Fredy apparently had a lot of growing up to do. His profile sounded like he used a thesaurus to put it together.  Hey Fredy, here's a hint...don't refer to difficult times in life as "debris" - sounds like you flew out of an F5 tornado and landed in your life!  Fredy was dumped on day one.

Then there was Jim the midget from Coral Gables, Florida.  He was 5'4" - all I could think of was Brad Paisley's song  "I'm So Much Cooler On-line". I tried to be objective and have an open mind...but when I opened his photo album, I found his 30 something year old son to be cuter than he was.  I thought about Anna Nicole Smith and wondered how she married  the old, rich guy and then got all his money when he died...but I wasn't shallow enough to go through with it.

Then there was Larry from Cranberry.  I could hardly get past how his name rhymed with where he lived.  I tried  to keep from laughing because all I could think about were those entertaining characters "Larry, Darryl and Darryl" from the Bob Newhart show in the 1980's.  His profile shouted loud and clear that he got his identity from work and that his idea of a fun date on a Saturday night was singing Karaoke.  Sorry Larry, you are just not quite "matchy" enough for me.

Speaking of rhyming - Eric from Darlington answered this way when asked: "What is the first thing you notice about me when you meet me"...His answer? "Everything I say rhymes" I wish I could actually answer him directly because this would be my reponse to this choice morsel of a date - Eric, bo-beric, bannana fanna, fo-feric, be-by-bo-beric - BUB-BYE ERIC!  What are you Eric a cartoon date? You are a big loser! If I went out with you I  would feel like I was with Captain Kangaroo or Pee Wee Herman. Not sure which ~ probably Pee-Wee. 

Then there was Bob from Schenectady.  Bob is quite creative, fun, funny, affectionate, charming and a Christian.  He didn't have much hair either but was quite sexy.  In addition, I found the posting of his kindergarten photo on line as proof that he once had hair to be quite charming in a cute kind of way. So Bob and I are on stage 3 of the communication process on e-hamony.  That is unless Bob closes the door on me today - because I finally sent him MY photo!